“I’d reached a point in my life where I wanted to feel like I was contributing something of value in the world. But I knew that in order to be able to do that with integrity and authenticity, then I would have to finally reckon with where I am, who I am, and what I stand for,” says Teo van den Broeke over Zoom, safe in the sanctuary of his hotel room in Babington, where by his own admission he has escaped to for a few nights R & R.
The journalist and award winning style writer, who nowadays serves as editorial director at Soho House, is currently in the throws of a whirlwind press tour promoting his new memoir ‘The Closet’ – a coming-of-age story that uses the wardrobe of his past, as a lens through which to explore his journey from insecure teen, to the toast of the British fashion scene.
“Finding your purpose, and place as an adult is hard,” van den Broeke muses. “It requires you to look back and analyse the person you were, as a way to try to understand why you did some of the things you did when you were young. It’s a hard process for sure, but it is a brilliant way to bring about change.”
As his words catch up to him, a seemingly content Teo adds: “I feel like I’ve had a very introspective couple of years, which have resulted in this great thing (the book), that not only celebrates the brilliance of fashion, but also tells what I believe to be a poignant, and relatable story…”
As a child of the 80’s and 90’s, born in Guildford, Surrey to parents Jan and Jane, Teo’s long-standing love affair with fashion first began to flourish as a pre-teen, with clothing providing an outlet for him to understand both himself, and the world around him. From the blue princess dress he coveted as a child, to the Nike cap and Gucci loafers he wore to impress the men he first desired, by his own admission, fabric has long enveloped and shaped many of the formative milestones in his life thus far.
“At its best, fashion should be this wonderful, occasionally silly, but meaningful expression of what you want to say about yourself to the world,” an animated Teo contemplates as he ponders his ongoing relationship with the ever changing art form. “There’s that brilliant Tom Ford quote I love: ‘dressing well is a form of good manners’ – which to me sums up how I think we should all approach fashion, because I strongly believe that if you are willing to dress up and show people that you mean business, then anybody you encounter will have no choice but to respect you, and take you seriously.”
“Fashion is play, fashion is generosity, and fashion is a form of self-care. It has been a saviour of mine on many occasions, and its given me the confidence to do things I never thought possible… like becoming a journalist, and writing a book (laughs).”
“At its best, fashion should be this wonderful, occasionally silly, but meaningful expression of what you want to say about yourself to the world.”
Despite having spent his teenage years determined to pursue a career in art (a subject he would go on to study at The University of Leeds in 2005), van den Broeke soon switched lanes post graduation, finding himself drawn to the world of publishing, and has since worked at, and produced content for, a number of national and international titles, most notably The Times, The Telegraph, The Guardian, The Evening Standard and Wallpaper* magazine. Prior to his role as style and grooming director at GQ, he was style director of British Esquire, and deputy editor of Esquire’s Big Black Book.
“There’s something about being a journalist, that leads you to believe that writing a book is something you simply have to do… it’s like a right of passage.” Teo jokes as he begins to decipher the series of events that led him to begin work on the transcript for what was to eventually become his memoir. “I’d gotten to a place where I felt quite confident doing a 3,000 or 5,000 word feature on a particular trend or public figure, and as much as I enjoyed doing that – and still do – my mind was beginning to wander, and wonder what I could do next to try to push both myself, and my writing.”
“As I’ve already said, for the majority of my career I’ve written about clothes and fashion, which is great because those are two of my favourite things, but… lets be honest, the last thing the world needs right now is another salacious book harping on about the hedonistic life of a fashion journalist! So I knew I had to dig a little deeper, to try to come up with a concept that would not only resonate with me, but with others too.”
“I think it’s also important to note that I was, and still am, very aware that outside of certain circles I’m not known, so on a number of occasions throughout the course of the last two to three years, I’ve had to ask myself the really rather humbling question: ‘who, if anybody, is actually going to care about what I have to say?’ (laughs). But hopefully people will (care), and those that do get the book will be somehow moved by me telling my story, in my own way and my own words.”
As a seasoned journalist with over a decades worth of literacy experience under his belt, van den Broeke is clearly well versed in the art of writing to a set brief. However, as The Financial Times columnist himself states, in order to grow as a writer, one must embrace fresh challenges, push boundaries and look to new horizons.
Pouring over the pages of ‘The Closet’, it’s clear Teo has relished having the opportunity to explore an entirely new discipline and style of writing – his carefully chosen words, and creative use of language reading (at times) like poetry, whilst his depictions and descriptions of people, places and clothing paint a very visceral picture of what life was like for young people growing up in the early to mid 2000’s.
“I have loved writing without restriction!” Teo exclaims. “I’m a very visual person, and I enjoy being creative, so it’s been really fun for me to experiment, and play around with different words, and phrases, and metaphors as a way to try to bring all of my thoughts to life.”
“It’s something of a privilege to have both the ability, and the opportunity to be able to commit your story to paper, and so I want anybody reading the book to feel like they are right there with me as I take this little trip down memory lane. And it’s actually been great for me to relive all of these different memories from my childhood, teens and early 20’s that I’d genuinely forgotten. That being said, there is however a downside to raking over the past, and that’s having to recall the memories that maybe weren’t so much fun…”
When any wordsmith agrees to write their memoir, they in a sense sign an emotionally binding contract that requires them to undertake the rather arduous task of exploring, and confronting life-altering moments from their past that they have perhaps worked hard to suppress, and forget. And whilst this process can provide a sense of closure for some, for the others the intense self-exploration and rehashing of painful memories can leave them feeling overwhelmed by feelings of sorrow and regret.
“This whole experience has been hugely cathartic,” van den Broeke exhales. “None more so than the time I spent writing Chapter 8, which in a funny way, despite its subject matter, is my favourite chapter. I cried for hours after finishing it, and I’m not ashamed to say that once I’d pulled myself together, I gave little Teo a big hug… which I know is very ’therapy speak’, but it felt like a very powerful, and positive thing to do.”
Chronicling the aftermath of being carelessly outed by classmates at school, ’Chapter 8: The Vivienne Westwood T-Shirt’ finds a vulnerable Teo seek refuge in the arms of his loving Mother – a formidable, and fiercely protective woman who, keen to build her son back up, whisks him away to Barcelona to escape the oppressive, dark clouds of prejudice beginning to form in the skies over Guilford.
Recalling the finer details of the 48-hour getaway in the book, the Esquire alum notes it was the exposure to new, and diverse cultures and communities that afforded him the clarity to see past the the small town mentality he’d unknowingly grown accustomed to. And although now feeling somewhat more optimistic about what his future could potentially look like, Broeke readily admits the mere thought of returning home filled him with an inordinate amount of dread. Perhaps as a way to keep the ever looming post-holiday blues at bay, on the final day of their trip Mother and son set out in search of one of the Spanish cities most sought after vintage stores, where, after tirelessly thrifting for “what seemed like hours”, a then 15-year-old Teo found, and fell in love with a simple, yet classic black Vivienne Westwood T-shirt.
“As ridiculous as it may sound to some, buying that t-shirt changed everything, because it enabled me to move past this very difficult moment in my life, feeling like I’d found a sense of purpose.” Broeke states almost unapologetically. “It was a very dark time. I was a mess, my confidence and self-esteem were at an all time low. There I was; a teenager, totally and madly in love with a person of the same sex who, through no fault of his own didn’t feel the same. Dealing with that kind of rejection for the first time was hard, and also really confusing.”
“On top of that I’d been forced to come out, which was incredibly scary and slightly inhumane, to at 15-years-old be expected to provide the world with a label that they could then berate me with for the rest of my life… it wasn’t fair. Thank goodness I had my Mum, I’ll be forever grateful to her for the support, and love she showed me during that time.”
“So yes, finding that t-shirt and being able to wear it in a potentially very hostile environment, and around people who felt it ok to judge me, gave me confidence and made me feel good about myself. Ultimately, that’s what ‘The Closet’ is all about, it’s a human story about self-acceptance and letting go, that’s told through the clothes that shaped my life.”
To at 15-years-old be expected to provide the world with a label that they could then berate me with for the rest of my life wasn’t fair.
The desire to let go, and be released of any negative thoughts pertaining to that time seem prevalent on Teo’s mind throughout the duration of our conversation, as he repeatedly demonstrates an innate understanding that reconciling with the past, allows him the grace to move forward with acceptance and surrender, rather than living out the rest of his days berating himself, or wallowing in the misery of circumstances and situations that cannot be changed.
“I don’t hold any ill will towards anybody, I genuinely don’t.” Teo says with an air of fait accompli. “We were all just kids trying to figure out who we were, and what we were about. The guy I fell in love with didn’t know any better – he was a product of his upbringing, and his actions were a reflection of society at that time, it’s as simple as that. We’ve since spoken, and are kind of friendly now – I bare no negativity towards him.”
Pausing for a brief moment to seemingly chose his words carefully, he continues to reflect: “One of my biggest take aways from revisiting some of those memories, and experiences was the realisation of just how vulnerable, naive and completely clueless you are a kid.”
“So much can go wrong as a consequence of what you encounter when you’re young. I was lucky, I had a lot of good friends around me, and I was picked up very quickly when things went wrong. But if you don’t have that support, and you’re really different, and pilloried because of that, it can be awful… and I mean truly, truly awful. It’s terrible the way some people are treated, and I don’t think enough credence is given to the fact that these experiences exist with us forever! They shape who we are, and they remain present in our minds for a long, long time.”
“As a society we need to recognise that more, and encourage our children to be more accepting towards anybody they perceive to be different.”
To little Teo…
It has long be said that kindness and connection are the foundations for healing. And as Teo mulls over the importance of teaching the next generation of young people to be more compassionate and inclusive, it seems poignant to ask what he thinks the five year old Teo van den Broeke he writes about in ‘The Closets’ opening chapter ‘The Blue Princess Dress’ would make of his life today…
“I think if that little boy could see me now he’d be very proud,” Teo smiles. “I think he’d be pretty blown away by how his life has played out so far, and I hope he’d be excited about his future, because he should be… I know I am.”
‘The Closet’ by Teo van den Broeke is available to purchase in all good bookstores, and online now.
